This was a strong year in fighters with lots of great comebacks. What makes the top fighter stand apart is a great cast of characters, smooth and responsive controls, but most of all a great fighting system. Stories tend to take the back seat in fighting games, but online multiplayer is also important.
Before you go off saying this won because I’m a die-hard MK fan stop right there. There have been past MK games that didn’t deserve the best fighting game. It wins this year because it is true fan service and brings the series back to its roots. This year saw a lot of remakes, but Mortal Kombat gives us great visuals, all the characters we loved from past games and brings it back its 2D roots which are when the game was strongest. Smooth and responsive controls as well as the great fighting system we grew to love, and a bevy of fun modes are what makes Mortal Kombat come out on top.
Role-playing games tend to be heavy hitters but focus on the story and characters more than anything. A unique combat system is something that usually sets them apart, but nowadays the world you explore is also the character. There were some outstanding RPGs this year, and I wish I could choose more than one top contender, but they all deserve merits. This year’s RPGs saw some great world explore to explore as well as excellent characters.
This was probably expected. The Elder Scrolls series is huge and the world of Skyrim is even bigger. With great visuals and tons of areas to explore, a great overarching story, fun combat, and lots of perks and ways to customize your character and level up it can’t be beaten. The music, voice acting, characters, and attention to ultra-fine detail is something that Skyrim offers that most RPGs can’t. This one will go down in history and will never be forgotten.
A new character is very important to a game because it can make it or break it. There are also hundreds of memorable characters out there so making a new one and trying to make it on the list is hard. There were very few new characters created this year, but among the few, there was only one that was very strong.
This was an easy pick this year. Wheatley is a very funny and strange character, but being just a blinking orb makes him all that harder to pull off. It’s his personality and voice acting that really make you remember him and put him among the best. His British humor mixed with the insane world of Portal 2 really makes you want to hear him talk and come back into the world. Wheatley’s character is perfectly balanced and you get doses of him throughout the game, and you just can’t help but love him.
Well, here we are. Duke and I are staring at each other face-to-face after 12 years of development hell. How did he stand up? For starters, the game isn’t nearly as bad as everyone is saying. It’s just not as good as everyone hoped. The game won’t knock you off your feet or make you think differently about FPS games, but it does feel like classic Duke, and that’s what counts in the end. The story is the same as always: Pigcops and the evil Cycloid Emperor are stealing our chicks to make alien babies. Pretty cheesy? That’s the entire point, so don’t come into this game thinking it’s just badass. The entire game is coated in thick, gooey cheese, and if you don’t like it, go away right now.
The action is just like classic Duke in the sense that you run around shooting anything that moves with the biggest gun you can find. It’s a recall of the heydays of FPS games from the early 90s, and it feels good to play one that’s actually good. The game even starts out with a slap in the face by having Duke pee in a urinal, and you control the flow. This is Duke for you, and if this stuff offends you, stop playing there because it gets worse as the game goes on. My favorite part about Forever is the interactive objects that add to your ego, which is your health bar. Finding certain things in the game will boost this, and there are dozens of them, some funny, sexy, or just weird, like picking up a turd out of a toilet.
Duke is also infamous for his cheesy one-liners, which are spewed left and right through the whole game. Things like “Hail to the King, baby!” “How many pork chops can I make out of you?” and “Come get some!” are just a few. Duke’s personality is something you will either love or hate, but it’s classic, and that makes me love it. The game is also infused with a lot of sex, such as one whole level that is just a strip club you walk around in called Duke Nukem’s Titty City. You have to do a treasure hunt for a stripper for a lap dance that consists of finding popcorn, a vibrator, and a condom. Just walk into the bathroom, and Duke can enjoy the glory hole in the stall. Yes, it’s very gratuitous and goes over the top, but that’s what’s great about this game. Not only this, but it sticks to a lot of pop culture today, such as an EDF soldier asking Duke if he needs power armor (it’s Master Chief’s armor in the ship) and Duke saying, “Power armor is for pussies!”
Of course, it all comes down to playing the game, and the action is varied with driving sections and even Duke getting shrunk down, which is very fun to do, especially when listening to his high-pitched voice. A lot of classic Duke weapons are here, such as the Devastator (with 69 bullets as a pun), Ripper, and RPG. The guns even look the same, which brings back memories. Quick-time events were added during boss fights (which are really fun) and in other parts of the game, so it has a bit of cinematic juice in it.
The worst part about the game? The looks. Sure, it uses Unreal Engine 3, but the level design and overall feel are really dated. Mountains don’t have that nice, distant, real look to them. Instead, you can drive right up their side, like you’re playing Motocross Madness 2 or something. The textures aren’t low-res but not very detailed, like everything just got converted from 2005. The game actually looks that old, but not enough to distract you too much. The physics are wonky, like you’re playing a Nintendo 64 game, but you can’t really blame the game itself.
Overall, Duke Nukem Forever is a fun game to play. It may not have been worth 12 years for this, but it still feels good to play as the King again. If you can surpass the dated visuals and overall design of the game, you are going to experience something that will probably never happen again.
Characters are just as essential as stories and they go hand in hand. Characters are what define video game series, and really make gamers separate from each other, and can decide how much a game sells. Developers really strive to make memorable characters, and most of the time it’s a huge factor in sales.
It’s not just Bayonetta’s sex appeal that makes her Messiah’s top pick of the year, but a sexy character in a game that’s actually good? With a good story? Great gameplay? And the best thing since Devil May Cry! It’s a miracle! Bayonetta also has some serious attitude and shows it is not just a trashy trampy way, but with a style that makes you drool with a sexy coolness that would make glaciers melt in sub-zero temperatures. She’s is sassy, smart, sexy, and just overall out for the greater good as well. Her soft side for little girls and her great sense of humor helps her along as well.
There was a brief period when a bunch of adult-oriented games came out to capitalize on The Sims-style gameplay, and this was one of them. 7 Sins stars you as a man who is trying to strike it rich and get laid at the same time. While there’s no overlying story other than this, there’s just barely enough here to keep you playing, but most will quit after just the second level.
The game is comprised of mini-games that are pretty crude and rude, and what these are for will be revealed in a bit. Your main goal is to invite women to an area to talk to you. You wander around different areas and sit down with them, or engage in that activity, and try to reveal their sensitivities through dialog. Different icons represent these, and you have to use trial and error to figure them out. There is a rating bar that’s broken up into six pieces that represent your relationship status with that female. Once you reach the top of a piece, you can engage in an advancing dialog to further the relationship.
Different types of dialog represent things like machoness, sensitivity, being cool, showing off, being intellectual, funny, etc. When a chick doesn’t like what you say, they’ll respond in that manner, and you also have three different meters to watch out for: lust, anger, and stress. If you reach the peak of any of these, you freak out, run out of the area, and wind up dropping the meter of any relationship you were working on. This can be frustrating because you then have to go back and wander around everywhere, trying to increase that meter again.
You can play mini-games to decrease these meters, but some are specific and some decrease them all. These range from peeing on bugs, jumping sheep over a saw, ogling boobs, viewing upskirts, or just some that decrease the meter without a mini-game. If you do these, they are sins, so if you commit your sins, you must do something to repent, which is an angel icon. This can be done by eating a salad or just engaging the icon in a dialog with a chick.
This doesn’t sound too bad, but when you have to get up and move to a different spot to engage in the same dialog you just had five minutes ago until you reach your peak, you can get laid. Even though this has mini-games involved, after you play each one a few times, you’re done. The animations are horrendous, the graphics are terrible, and the game uses Simlish-type speech. Animations range from goofy things to awkward humping. Even with the nude patch, this game isn’t very interesting since each woman looks the same, and there’s just no character or charm to the game. Sure, it’s fun for a couple of hours, but after that, you get sick and tired of the game.
It wouldn’t be too bad if you could fly through the game, but even in the second level, women take forever to get high enough to bring home, and your meters fill up so fast that you have to play a mini-game every 5 minutes, and it gets so repetitive and stupid. Do everyone a favor and stay away from this game unless you’re a real pervert or just plain bored.
I’m not really a traditional sports fan, but when something as outrageous as the Outlaw series passes under my radar, I have no choice but to pick it up. Outlaw Golf 2 is very mature, outrageous, and fun. What makes the series so outrageous are the characters, who range from mentally insane to sexually charged (such as Summer and Autumn). The game has a lot of modes, such as tour, exhibition, driving range, and a couple of mini-games.
The gameplay is pretty simple and plays like most other golf games, but with some twists. When driving down the green, you can switch camera angles to see where your ball is going to fly. You can change the power, and this is also adjusted upon swinging. The game has a swing stick setup, so swinging the analog stick is pretty accurate and not too finicky. If you time the swing right, you can go over 100% and do a power shot, but watch out because you overshoot where you want the ball to land. There are hazards to look out for, so you really need to watch out. If you start doing poorly, your composure meter will drop and bring it back up, and you can play one of two mini-games. These are golf cart games to get a perfect shot, or you can beat up your caddy. They are fun at first, but after a few tries, you get tired of them. One feature I like is that while you get three tries at a guideline, Hit square once, and you’ll see a line to the hole. One feature I love is the Gimme feature, which allows you to just press square during a putting replay to let you go ahead and sink the ball for an extra shot. This is only if your ball is almost in the cup and you didn’t quite make it.
I love the game’s mature commentary and smart alack remarks to the players. The intros and small animations of the characters are either funny or sexy. The best part about the game is that the mature content didn’t get in the way of the game being good. However, the game is very hard to beat, especially in tour mode. Even after trying over 10 times, I still couldn’t beat the first tournament against Killer Miller. You have to get ahead on the first hole, or you’re never going to win. Even if you factor in all the golf aspects like wind, elevation, etc., you still have a hard time winning.
The game looks pretty good, even for today. The courses look great, and the characters look great, so you have something nice to look at. The only issues I saw were some slowdowns due to the PS2’s limitations, but they didn’t hinder gameplay. Since the online servers are shut down (and there’s probably no one playing even if they weren’t), online play couldn’t be tested, but I’m sure it would have been really fun and competitive. There is a lot of extra content, like videos, outfits, clubs, and balls, so you have many hours of gameplay, and there are a lot of characters to play as well. If you’re tired of your traditional golf games, pick up Outlaw Golf 2, and you should have a good time.
I don’t mind sexually driven games, but I like them to be good and done right. Xtreme 2 is the sequel to Xtreme Beach Volleyball for the original Xbox. Everything is intact, with a few additions. It consists of six mini-games and five casino games, but that’s not enough to save this simple-minded game.
The whole point of the game is to play mini-games with other DoA ladies and earn their trust and friendship, and this is harder than it seems. The game plays similar to a Japanese dating sim game, and it can take forever to buy a lot of the items and learn how to become friends with these lovely ladies. You have to figure out what each lady likes, loves, and hates and send them gifts accordingly. All you get is a visual guide for each lady with pictures of what they like, but this doesn’t help much. After you spend a whole two weeks at New Zack Island, you pretty much give up trying to gain trust and friendship since it’s so hard to figure out without some in-depth guidance. After a try, you end up just playing the mini-games, ogling the scantily clad women lying around, and even dancing.
The mini-games are the most fun of the game, with pool hopping, flag running, beach volleyball, jet skiing, and water sliding. Pool hopping consists of pressing the buttons according to what is shown on the floaties. This game tends to be very hard since it requires precise timing. Flag-running is pretty simple, but the best game is probably volleyball. It has tight mechanics and controls, and it can be a blast to play. Jet skiing is very mundane since it’s the same track over and over again; however, the water effects are nice, and doing tricks on the ski can be fun. Water sliding is the hardest game of them all since it’s so hard to stay on the slide, and after you fall off, you don’t get another try. After you earn enough money from playing mini-games, you can purchase a camera, take sexy photos of the ladies, and view them later in your album.
The casino is the second major part of the game that lets you really earn some bucks. All the games are pretty self-explanatory; roulette tends to be the most intense, but you can lose all your money in one go if you’re not careful, so watch how you spend your money. The casino is all in 3D, so it’s nice to view, but I wish you could walk around in it and see all your DOA lady friends playing in there as well. When you earn enough money, you can go buy stuff at the store to give to your lady friends or yourself.
The game really has no purpose except to ogle your favorite DoA girls and try to buy the skimpiest bikini for them. The graphics are great, and everything jiggles in all the right places. The audio is pretty mundane, with Japanese audio tracks to cover the horrible English voice actresses. The game isn’t serious, but it could be so much more, and I just hope DoA Xtreme 3 becomes more deep and involved. I just wish there would have been more interaction, and all the load times don’t help either. The game is just too hard to figure out with the whole dating sim thing going on, so just sit back and enjoy the women and mini-games. The game will make you choke your chicken for sure, so DoA fanboys (girls?) should pick this game up and enjoy its simplicity.
I don’t mind sexually driven games, but I like them to be good and done right. Dead or Alive Paradise is a direct port of Dead or Alive Xtreme 2, which was an Xbox 360 exclusive. Everything is intact, with a few additions. One new character is added, Rio, and, as you would guess, the graphics are dumbed down as well as the gambling for some odd reason. No longer are you in a 3D casino, but you get to choose from a list of a few games such as BlackJack, slot machines, and poker, but roulette is now missing.
The whole point of the game is to play mini-games with other DoA ladies and earn their trust and friendship, and this is harder than it seems. The game plays similar to a Japanese dating sim game, and it can take forever to buy a lot of the items and learn how to become friends with these lovely ladies. You have to figure out what each lady likes, loves, and hates and send them gifts accordingly. All you get is a visual guide for each lady with pictures of what they like, but this doesn’t help much. After you spend a whole two weeks at New Zack Island, you pretty much give up trying to gain trust and friendship since it’s so hard to figure out without some in-depth guidance. After a try, you end up just playing the mini-games, ogling the scantily clad women lying around, and even dancing.
The mini-games are the most fun of the game, with pool hopping, flag running, and beach volleyball, except jet skiing and the water slide were scrapped from the game, and that’s not a good thing. Pool hopping consists of pressing the buttons according to what is shown on the floaties. This game tends to be very hard since it requires precise timing. Flag-running is pretty simple, but the best game is probably volleyball. It has tight mechanics and controls, and it can be a blast to play. After you earn enough money from playing mini-games, you can purchase a camera, take sexy photos of the ladies, and view them later in your album.
The casino is the second major part of the game that lets you really earn some bucks. All the games are pretty self-explanatory, but BlackJack is interesting since Rio is dressed in a sexy dealer outfit and spews cute sayings at you with some cute animations. Like I mentioned earlier, roulette is missing, and this was the most intense casino game in the original game, so I have no idea why it was scrapped.
The game really has no purpose except to ogle your favorite DoA girls and try to buy the skimpiest bikini for them. The graphics are pretty good for the PSP and resemble the first DoA Xtreme game for the Xbox. If you are lucky enough to have a hacked PSP with custom firmware, you can use a program called CWCheat and use the “nude” code for the game. Don’t get too excited since the girls have Barbie doll-esque bodies and the really naughty bits aren’t shown, but it does make the game that much more interesting for those lucky enough to figure this out. The audio is pretty mundane, with Japanese audio tracks to cover the horrible English voice actresses. The game isn’t serious, but it could be so much more, and I just hope DoA Xtreme 3 becomes more deep and involved. The game will make you choke your chicken, so DoA fanboys (girls?) should pick this game up and enjoy its simplicity.
thebinarymessiah.com 
Yep! The fact that I forgot about this game until you made a comment proves that.